OK, so I haven’t done a good job of writing. I still find excuses to keep from bareing my soul to the world, like doing pretty much anything else than writing. I really do think about this blog, I even think of clever things to share. But I’m usually not anywhere I can write when I do. But I know I need to write. Writing is theraputic. Writing is good for me. Writing is how I can make myself be a little more human.
I know that last thing sounded a little weird. But I really do feel that way. I can so easily close myself up here in the house and keep everything to myself. Sure, I go to work and deal with the public all day long, but I don’t share anything more than anticdotes with them. My staff knows me, and a few of my peers do. We have a small group of friends, and that’s about it. I don’t really have to go out of my way to be open to anyone other than K and the Wildman most days. But if I write, I’m forced to open myself up to anyone who bothers to read, and I feel like that makes me be a little more human.
So here I am. I’ve been working to be a better me so far this year, like I said I wanted to be back in January. I’m working hard at work to give it my all. I’m trying to have more fun. I planned a great vacation that I think we all enjoyed, even took my Mom along. We went to Universal Studios and played Wizards and Witches for 3 days in the Florida sun. I think we all needed to have fun and spend some quality time together. And I’ve made sure I’ve planned my time at work so that I get to not only spend time with the guys this summer but also get to take a week to lay in the sun and relax with my girls. Last summer two of my best girlfriends from high school and I took a week and escaped from the rest of the world, reconnected and had a wonderful time. We’re doing it again this year. I have learned that if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t expect anyone else to. And if I don’t love myself, no one else should be expected to either.
I am going to work more on doing something meaningful for myself at least once a week, as well as doing something for the boys. Last night I had a “dinner date” with the Wildman and we talked and laughed and shared some time. It might not have meant much to him – I think he was annoyed that I won’t let him use his ipod or phone – but maybe some day he’ll appreciate it as much as I did. Tonight I’m fixing K some of his favorite food for dinner and trying to take care of some things here at home so he doesn’t have to. Not big things, but thoughtful things. Things that make me feel good to do them.
I guess my point is this – it’s a conscious decision every day to be happy, to be human, and to actively live life. Some days it is a stuggle, but I’m going to do it.